Reflection is important to me.
Once Project Search Light finished and I finally said goodbye to Gap L I have found myself reflecting. That was after I got myself out of my self induced victim circle of course. But it was funny what started to happen when I allowed myself to reflect. I found myself being self critical to how the last season played out. What I could have done better. How I walked in my own flesh instead of leaning on the Lord. The list goes on and on. Now that I am out of that season I can see a more clear picture of what was actually happening. My squad mentor would alway tell us that as squad leaders we were in the forest and could see the details of all that was going on and her and my coaches had a birds eye view. They could see the bigger picture. And together we could help each other. The last couple weeks have felt like I have been brought out of the forest and given their view. It looks drastically different yet familiar. It has held the room to see where I missed the mark. See where I still needed to grow.
Do you see what I was doing?
I was looking at all the places I fell short as “failures” and “failures” as a bad thing.
But is failure really a bad thing?
My answer to this question might confuse those who are reading this, but I do not think failure is a bad thing. Actually I think it is necessary in growth. And not only necessary but honestly inevitable.
We can’t avoid it.
And if you are avoiding it are you even really living?
I truly believe that it is one of the greatest learning tools we have. Not only does it teach us but it makes us run back to the Father. It makes depend on the Father and to let him continually mold us to look like Him.
However failure can be the very thing that brings us down if we don’t humbly bring it before the Lord. If we try to fix it on our own, or if we except our failure as who we are.
A friend of mine always says “you don’t know what you don’t know until you know it.”
Take a minute to comprehend that and let it sink in.
So as I sat reflecting this last year the Lord reminded me of that saying. Because in the moments I was reflecting on I wasn’t trying to fail. I was doing what I knew. So it is unfair of myself to look back at Sara 9 months ago and hold her to the standard I hold myself now because I didn’t know what I know now back then.
And that is okay.
That means I have grown.
This realization has brought my self criticism to celebration and closer intimacy with the Lord.
So here is to the most epic seasons of life I have lived so far with some of the most incredible humans I have ever met.
To visiting 7 new countries. 7 new and different cultures.
To doing this thing well and walking in obedience.
To living a life I couldn’t ever imagine living.
To properly being able to Asian squat.
To seeing more of the Fathers character in everyone I got to meet and places I got to see.
And here is to failing but not letting it define me.
So what has your reflection looked like?
Are you letting “failure” define you, or are you letting it teach you?
Dig deep my friends and don’t take your eyes off of the Father. He is a good Father who loves His children and wants good things for them. Now grab ahold of that as yours. You got this my friends!
