Comfort Took My Confidence
I have been trying to write a blog for the last 3 weeks, but I can never figure out what one thing I have been learning/experiencing that I should publicly put out there. Should I write about the cool ministry moment I had with a taxi driver on family vacation? How about the way the Lord used running to speak to me? Or, maybe I should write about my frustrations of being home, mainly with myself and what grace has looked like in those situations?
Once I pick one of the many things the Lord is showing me, how do I know if I am being too vulnerable? Was that supposed to be between just me, the Lord, and a few people I feel safe with? Am I not being vulnerable enough? Is me holding back going to not let the Lord have the room to speak to those who read my blog? Maybe one person needed to hear it, and, due to insecurity of the lies the enemy is throwing my way, I hold back.
“Where is your faith MacIntosh?”
Something I have been asking myself daily.
Why is walking out in faith with something as simple as a blog seem like an impossible task?
The answer is my lack of confidence.
You see, I was letting doubt sneak slowly but surely into my life, and instead of taking captive my thoughts and leaning on the Lord, I leaned on comforts of my “home” life. I have binge watched all the TV shows I have missed this last year. I have spent WAY too much time on the very fast and reliable internet. I sleep in way too late because my bed is just so comfortable, and I would rather take an extra 30 minutes of glorious sleep than be a functioning human.
I was letting these things come in the way of my time with the Lord. I wasn’t getting much quiet time. Reading my Bible was difficult, so I would just set it aside with the intentions of reading it “later”. I wasn’t going to the Lord with everything, just with the things I couldn’t figure out.
Because of not trusting the Lord and letting Him have control I was lacking some serious confidence.
Rookie move, MacIntosh.
Funny how that works, huh?
In order to have the confidence I want, I cannot lean on myself or others around me. I have to fully let go and trust the Father. I have to dwell on and believe who I am in Him. That’s where my real confidence comes from.
Ironically, this is something I have been working on with the Lord this whole last year: Believing who I am, not because of what others say about me, but because of what the Lord says about me. Walking out what the Father is telling me to do or say and not doubting it. Knowing that I AM important. I am NOT a burden. I am HIS daughter, and He will never lead His children astray.
I wanted to thank everyone who has been following and supporting me on this adventure the Lord has called me to. Your support and prayers mean more than you know.
I am currently working on my first deadline for CGA. I need to raise $3,000.00 by September 16th. So far the Lord have been so faithful and I have raised a little more than $1,000.00! If you felt called to help support me on the next season all you have to do is hit the donate button at the top of the blog and follow the directions. You can be a one time or monthly supporter.
Again, thank you so much for all your support thus far.
If you have any questions please feel free to reach out to me!
Email- [email protected]
